COMPLICATIONS OF PREGNANCY: MISCARRIAGE
Losing a baby, at any stage of pregnancy, can be a devastating experience for parents. No matter how much we try to rationalise this experience or to be philosophical about it, we cannot negate the fact that emotionally we have experienced a loss. The conspiracy of silence that has surrounded miscarriage for so long only serves to reinforce the sense of isolation that parents may feel regarding their loss.
Miscarriage is common. One in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and 75% of these occur within the first 10 weeks. Most miscarriages that occur in the early stages of pregnancy are a result of an abnormality in the foetus. Sometimes the miscarriage is due to a blighted ovum, that is, an egg that was not fertilised but caused a ‘phantom pregnancy’. Some fertilised eggs simply do not develop properly, and are rejected by the mother’s body.
Having a miscarriage is not an experience that you need to go through alone, and talking over your feelings with others who have had similar experiences may help to ease the burden of guilt (unfounded) that you may be carrying. It may also give you the opportunity to air the sadness that you are bound to feel. This will help to rebuild your confidence, and make you feel more positive about trying again. Talk to your partner, who will also be feeling down. Share your concerns, feelings of guilt, fantasies with each other. Couples who have gone through repeated miscarriages, or who have had difficulty conceiving, may experience a sense of grief with the onset of each period, as if they have lost another ‘potential child’. This is a perfectly normal reaction, and you both need to mourn for this too, in order to achieve acceptance of the loss and to heal the ‘wounds’. Not discussing these feelings openly with each other can lead to a sense of resentment and anger which may interfere with sexuality too. This can lead to a vicious cycle of anxiety about sex, which is exactly what you don’t need if you are trying to conceive again.
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