BDD BEHAVIOURS: “DO I LOOK OKAY?”
Peter, a 40-year-old unemployed carpenter who hated his ears, jaw, and eyes, discussed his appearance and questioned his wife so often that she left him. “All I did was complain about how I looked and talk about how I wanted plastic surgery,” he said. “I didn’t accept her reassurances. She considered it mental abuse. She ended up hating me because of my obsession and because I talked about my looks all the time. Once I drove her so crazy talking to her about it that she pulled a knife on me. She threatened me, lIf you think you need surgery, now you’ll really need it!’ “One parent told me something that’s been echoed by many other family members: “The most frustrating part of it is that no matter what I say, it doesn’t really help.” Indeed, responding to requests for reassurance is a no-win situation. Saying the person looks fine doesn’t help, but neither does telling them that something is wrong. If you say they look fine, they usually don’t believe you. They think you’re just trying to be nice or that you didn’t get a good enough look at the problem. Or maybe you need new glasses. A handsome young man told me that he could “just tell” that his parents think he’s ugly, even though they tell him he’s handsome, because it’s “their moral obligation.” Another told me that “reassurance doesn’t really help, because why did everyone laugh at me at camp and in the locker room?” And a very attractive woman said, “When people say I look fine and I get complimented, they overdo it, so I must be really ugly.”*103\204\8*
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